TIME to Quit SMOKing!

Mr. DeMartino had better put out that cigarette because today is World No Tobacco Day! Also, I doubt that smoking is good for either his eye or his heart. Oddly, I don't think we ever see or hear about DeMartino smoking at any other point in canon. I suspect that on his salary he couldn't afford to smoke more than one cigarette every five years.

On today's installment of "Great Mysteries of Daria," I'd like to discuss the stuff that the writers didn't even seem to be paying attention to. There's the minor stuff like Tiffany's random voice change early in the series or Sandi's abrupt downward personality turn after season one. But there are even bigger mysteries out there!

For one thing, the layout of the Morgendorffer house has been a subject of discussion in the past: why do certain rooms keep changing? Why isn't the house a consistent size? Why, if the house has a guest room, did Helen let Daria pick the bedroom she did? The tesseract theory is a popular one, but there's surely plenty of room for more fun in explaining that house in fanfic.

Another mystery that never got resolved was the question of what happened to Ted DeWitt-Clinton after the episode "The New Kid." He showed up at Lawndale High one day, then didn't reappear until his cameo appearance in "I Loathe a Parade." Since he was still attending Lawndale High during that whole time, why did we never see or hear anything from him? Maybe that's something that only bugged me (hence my The Ted Zone series), but it's very strange.

Climb a Mountain...or a Pile of Garbage

Tiffany's climbing a mountain in honor of Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay's successful ascent of Mount Everest, which happened on this day in 1953. Good thing Tiffany's not worried about the lack of oxygen up there affecting her brain--there'd have to be a brain in there first.

Today is also Learn About Composting Day, and I'm sure Willow would be happy to pass on any tips. Unless she's decided she feels the same way about composting as she does about kneading bread.

Finally, I now bring you the first installment of the "Great Mysteries of Daria" series, In-Episode Mysteries. These are the things that are inarguably canon yet remain unexplained. The things that cause unending speculation but no true consensus. The things that the writers most likely threw in there specifically to drive us all nuts.

For example, who burgled the cybercafe and later the coffee shop in "Cafe Disaffecto"? Was it Kevin, who was so quick to claim he had an alibi? Was it Jodie, so tired of being the perfect girl that she had to turn to a secret life of crime? Come to think of it, when exactly did Daria's computer first appear in her room? Hmmm....

Another unsolved mystery is the identity of the person who drove Daria home at the beginning of "The Big House." It doesn't appear to be a car we ever see in any other episode, like Trent's blue car or the Tank, but it could belong to another member of the band. Still, we never learn for certain who drove her home or what she was doing out so late in the first place.

The last mystery is what really caused Daria's rash in "Ill." It's implied that it was caused by embarrassment, as shown at the end when Trent shows up and the rash returns full force. However, the second appearance happens during English class and doesn't seem to coincide with anything that might be considered embarrassing--at least, not to Daria. Mr. O'Neill should be very much ashamed of his lack of teaching ability. So what the heck was it? Maybe Jake's right and Daria really is dealing Mary Jo out of the rec room.

"Always wear your sun screen!"

Don't make the same mistake Stacy did: wear some sun screen if you go out, because today is Sun Screen Day! Remember Brittany's post-volunteering public service announcement, and avoid those wrinkles!

Of course, sun screen won't help you if you run into Judith, who made her debut in Erin Mills's "Judith Strikes" shared-world series five years ago today.

Fandom News!

• Ranma is curious about Vitamix blenders or similar appliances.


• Vote in the all-in-one kitchen machines poll!


• See the list of Facebook pages to stop sharing; are you guilty?


• What Daria episodes remind of fanfics you have read? Tell us about it in the thread.

In blog-related news, I'll be leaving on vacation tomorrow and will have limited to no internet access for most of the trip. Instead of fandom updates during that time, I've scheduled a special series of blog posts that may or may not be entertaining. If you don't like them, too bad--I'll be on vacation!

Geek on, My Friends!

Happy Towel Day, hoopy froods! The holiday is of course in honor of the late Douglas Adams and the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series. Mrs. Johanssen knows where her towel is; do you have yours?

This is also the anniversary of the first installment in the Star Wars movie series, A New Hope, which opened on this day in 1977. Overall, not a bad assortment of geeky events, considering it's Geek Pride Day on top of everything else!

Fanfic Update!

• Really? I'm a Star!, by DIsaac (part 1): "DARIA Maxwell (30, Former star of Daria. Since the show her career has been good enough to own a mansion but she is looking for her next big hit): What about the space ninja?"


• You'll Know When You Have Kids of Your Own, by metameric1 (part 6): "'Hey, Ani,' mumbled Rusty. Out slumming? 'Hey. Cool guitar,' smiled Ani. 'You never know what'll turn up in these stores. Looks like a good Les Paul Junior style axe.'"

She's More Thick-Skinned Than I Thought!

Ms. Barch isn't very happy about World Turtle Day, although there's very little in life that she is happy about, so nothing new there. Still, this might explain why it took her husband more than twenty years to leave--it's not like turtles are known for their speed, after all.

Fandom News!

• Give your thoughts on the recently-announced Crow reboot.


• The Muppets are back! Fans can rejoice or share their opinions in the thread.


• ST91 is looking for advice on a story.


• Share your suggestions or experiences regarding cosplay and photography.

Yeah, He Wishes He Was That Cool

Mr. O'Neill pities the fool that doesn't know today is Mr. T's 63rd birthday. Sadly, Mr. O'Neill seems completely unaware that he is the fool that is to be pitied. Fans of Mr. T may also enjoy Smijey/Smilefax's The Mr. T Trilogy, a Mr. T/Daria crossover.

Speaking of fools, today is also the anniversary of the first airing of "One J at a Time" in 2001. Quinn tried and failed at getting a steady boyfriend while Jake tried and succeeded at catching a squirrel. I'm not sure which of them was better for the experience.

Fanfic Update!

• Badass, by LadieTAG (prologue): "A shadow of a man sitting in a chair comes across the room like a ghost. The only noise that can be heard is the sounds of Beethoven echoing hauntingly from an upstairs grand piano."


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 5a): "'This was a mistake.' Daria was exhausted. The sun still hadn't quite set yet, and the mid-Summer heat was at its peak."


• A New Beginning, by LadieTAG (part 12): "Amy reached over and gently squeezed Quinn's shoulder. Amy was a little surprised to find out that Quinn had forgiven Daria and that they were working on becoming friends."


• A New World, by breitasparrow (part 4): "Finally Daria's mind was taken off of all that when Tom spoke up first. 'Well... I think I know what I wanna do,' he said."


• Really? I'm a Star!, by DIsaac (intro): "Daria Maxwell: I'm Daria Maxwell, I was a child star. Where? (Opening notes of Daria theme plays) DM: Yep, My self titled show, Daria."


• Sonoma Coma, by jtranser (part 20): "Seated in a booth of GobyBurger, Daria and Jane watched an interview of pop culture media maven Carl Hotoke on the local public access channel while eating Cosmic Burgers with Psycho Sauce...."


• You'll Know When You Have Kids of Your Own, by metameric1 (parts 4 and 5): "Rusty Michaelson pulled up to the little cottage, stepping off her rail just as the voltage dropped enough to be noticeable. Much better now; it had enough juice to make it over the crown of the hill, and she could pretty much coast all the way down the soft grade to the crappy neighborhood she called home." (Part 5)

Who Turned Out the Lights?

Someone's recreating New England's Dark Day, which was a strange darkening of the sky that occurred on this day in 1780 in New England and parts of Canada.

It was probably caused by smoke from forest fires, but I wouldn't rule out a sleep-deprived Jake looking for paper towels.

Fandom News!

• Fans of B.B. King mourn his passing.


• Share things that are so cute it makes you sick in a new thread.


• Discuss the new movie Mad Max: Fury Road.

Daria's Not the Only One With a Fur Bikini!

Jane is playing the Lady or the Tiger--or Cheetah--again because it's the anniversary of Maureen O'Sullivan's birth in 1911. O'Sullivan was best known for playing Jane in the Tarzan film series, and we know our Jane also has a wild streak. Still, I'm not sure she's quite ready for that pizza with entrails yet.

Fanfic Update!

• Daria: College Pains The Sophomore Year, by James the Lesser (part 8): "Stacy is getting ready for her race. It was the second to last race she'd run in the ASCRA Stock Series."


• General Semantics, Private Angst, by gwrtheyrn (part 47): "The two Lane siblings looked down at Mr D, sleeping on the living room couch in their tiny Boston apartment, the same couch which Trent himself usually used for that purpose. Trent would have to snooze on their salvaged but mostly operational La-Z-Boy, instead. He'd already slept in it a few times, in the three weeks since they'd found it. It hadn't injured him yet, at least."


• Lawndale's Finest 3: The Brave and the Bold, by NightGoblyn (part 2): "Scarlett looked over at the kitchen door and saw her best friend, Jennifer, standing there staring at her. It was quite possibly the first time Scarlett had ever seen the other girl's eyes completely open, and Jennifer was giving her the same shocked look her aunt was."


• A New Beginning, by LadieTAG (part 11): "Daria arrived home after celebrating with Quinn and the rest of the group. Her parents were sitting at the dinner table grading papers while Monique was cooking dinner. Turning around, Monique could tell something was bothering her little sister. Daria sat down beside her mom and sighed."


• The Phantom of the Library, by neonhomer (part 7): "Angela paced about the room. 'This is all I need. No money, no life, and now to bring this bad memory back up.' She stopped in front of the bookcase, and pulled the 1999-2000 LHS yearbook from the shelf. 'If I would have just destroyed this book, I wouldn't be in this situation.'"


• Redux, by Princess_Pasta (part 19): "'Alternapalooza.' Shaggy said with quiet reverence, 'It just gets better every year.'"


• Unnamed story (World's Shortest Crossover, Part XIV: The Crossover Awakens!), by Charles RB (COMPLETE!): "Daria (V/O): My world is fire and blood. A long, winding highway in baking sun - men in painted-on Lions colours taking steel footballs - flares in the sky as a convoy advances on an isolated rig"


• You'll Know When You Have Kids of Your Own, by metameric1 (part 3): "Some of the other kids stayed around to watch, curious as to why Rusty was hanging out with this brainiac chick. Ignoring them, she unfolded the curious machine, which seemed to be made of sections of an old snow ski, hinges and mismatched bolts."

Hard to Tell if Daria's Enjoying the Moment or Not

Jake, Helen, and Daria are sharing a warm family moment for International Day of Families. Quinn is, of course, leaving them to it because she can take a hint. Also, something tells me this isn't one of Jane's favorite holidays.

The Paperpusher Message Board seems to be having some technical difficulties as of this post, but hopefully it will be back up and running soon.

Fandom News!

• ognawk and Princess_Pasta have posted a new Lawndale Lowdown podcast!


• See the trailer for Jem and the Holograms and give your opinion on it.


• Share Daria art you've found on Tumblr.

Does This Pot of Gold Make Me Look Faaaat?

Tiffany's doing a lively jig for Leprechaun Day, and that might be the fastest anyone has ever seen that girl move. Still, St. Patrick's Day would like to know if she also has the customary congenital green beer breath.

Fanfic Update!

• A Break, by digitalpanic (COMPLETE!): "Jane wasn't allowed to like Daria. Well, okay, that's a lie. Let's put it like this: Jane wasn't allowed to like Daria that way."


• A Few Years Difference, by vlora (part 17): "The pair decided it would be best to find somewhere to talk, not strewn across the front seat of a car. They found a parking spot that wasn't illegal, or as legal as they could get it. Trent walked with the candor of inebriation, while Daria shuffled along in her familiar boots. At least that helped her feel grounded. Heels made her feet feel so vulnerable, and the heels caught in strange ways."


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 4d): "Jane parked Trent's car and climbed out, taking a moment to look around. It wasn't the best neighborhood in Lawndale. Not bad by any means, but not as nice as Daria's. It certainly wasn't where she expected a fashion princess to live."


• Lawndale's Finest 3: The Brave and the Bold, by NightGoblyn (part 1): "Jennifer put the car in gear and pulled out of Scarlett's driveway, smoothly merging with the nearly nonexistent morning traffic. 'You really need to work on this late thing.' 'I know,' Scarlett said between bites of sandwich. 'It just seems like no matter how fast I move, I always end up behind.'"


• You'll Know When You Have Kids of Your Own, by metameric1 (part 2): "Oh, crap. Dating? For crying out loud, when did she turn fifteen? And why do I recall those ridiculous rants of Janet Barch so clearly now? (Not with my daughter, you MAN.)"

Her Arm Muscles Probably Feel Just Like Those Clocks

Jane's forging--I mean, reproducing--a work by Salvador Dali, who was born on this day in 1904. Or rather, she would be working on it if her arm didn't hurt so much. Hang in there, Jane. Just a few more copies and that Girl Scout cookie debt will finally be paid.

Fandom News!

• Learn about the science of redheads and share your thoughts.


• What do you think about these Daria and Jane thigh tattoos?


• Talk about the TV series Mad Men, whether or not you're a fan.

All Aboard!

Helen's chugging along on this lovely National Train Day, and heaven help anyone who gets in her way. I know we have at least one train aficionado in fandom, so this one's for you!

This is also Lost Sock Memorial Day, so if you find yourself coming out of a make-out/laundry room, then check to see if you have a bonus sock on your shirt.

Fanfic Update!

• Black Cloaks of Lawndale, by Waylander (part 22): "Jane skimmed through the pages of Axel's new catalog, smiling proudly when she noticed the tattoos based on her sketches."


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 4c): "Quinn grinned and pointed a finger at Stacy. 'You said "Liz isn't who I'm into", not "I'm not into Liz". That means you have someone you do like.' Stacy froze. Had she said that? Why would she say that?"


• Life After Daria (Iron chef: The actress who plays Daria), by DIsaac (COMPLETE!): "When we heard we were doing a interview with Daria Maxwell, The star of Daria, we prepared to interview somebody bitter and angry about being typecast."


• Video Assignment Chaos, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (part 1): "Brittany Taylor and her friend Andrea Hecuba arrived at one of Lawndale's many small cinemas. 'Ah, we're just in time, Brit,' Andrea said. 'Good,' Brittany said. They were seeing a Russian art film from the 1930's."

Don't Cry For Me, Llllllawndale!

Happy birthday to the late Eva Peron, who was born on this day in 1919. Although she was a controversial figure, I doubt she was anywhere near as unpopular as Ms. Li. For example, I'm pretty certain she never urged anyone to "give the gift of urine." Or if she did, it definitely didn't make it into the musical.

Fandom News!

• What would you ask for if you knew the answer was yes? Share your choice in the thread.


• ognawk and Princess_Pasta are looking for suggestions of stories that feature a background or minor character for their Lawndale Lowdown podcast.


• Find out what Daria got wrong and tell us if you agree.


• Post in the new general DC "Cinematic Universe" thread.

Atomic Communist Teachers from Marx

Mr. O'Neill is doing his solo performance, "Nothing to Lose But His Chains," again because today is the anniversary of Karl Marx's birth in 1818. It's actually hinted at more than once in canon that Mr. O'Neill is a communist, although nothing ever really came of it. I'm actually a little more concerned about why the man owns his own fake beard.

Today is also National Teacher Day, so let's celebrate our favorite Daria teachers! Hmm. If only a few of them were competent at their jobs.

Fanfic Update!

• Ah, Hell, by metameric1 (part 31): "'Trent opened the door, smiling at the boy holding the jar of coffee beans still warm from the roaster. 'Morning, Russ. Thanks for the delivery service.'"


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 4b): "Daria looked at the clock and sighed. Three seventeen. Time seemed pass slower as the end of her day grew closer, even more so than in school. Another thing to look forward to in adult life. It was made worse by the complete lack of customers. If someone were here, she'd at least have some amusing idiots to tell Jane about later."


• Unnamed story (Iron chef: The actress who plays Daria), by RLobinske (COMPLETE!): "'Why don't we just call it, Daria Does Dallas?' the exasperated actress asked. The executive said, 'Because some fanfic writer copyrighted the title back in '04 and won't give it up.'"


• Unnamed story (Iron chef: The actress who plays Daria), by Roentgen (COMPLETE!): "'Uh, this isn't the kind of part I would expect you to do? I mean, I remember watching you on TV when I was a kid growing up and....'"

Daria Would Rather be Feared than Loved, Even if She Could Have Both

Happy birthday to Niccolo Machiavelli, who was born on this day in 1469. Daria's reading his book "The Prince," but I don't think she's ambitious enough to actually take over any countries. Ms. Li, on the other hand? Well, remember what Mr. O'Neill said: "What is it about tyrants that makes them so...I don't know, charismatic? Our own Ms. Li...."

Fandom News!

• Tell us a fascinating thing about yourself in a new thread!


• Talk about the new movie Avengers: Age of Ultron.


• LSauchelli posted a new Iron Chef in Creative Writing: The actress who plays Daria.

Who Wants to Hear a Cannibalistic Rendition of Hansel and Gretel?

Daria's going to tell us a few stories for Mother Goose Day, but let's hope she left "Parables of the Way" at home. We don't want any more old people unplugging their respirators.

It's also Loyalty Day, but I'm not sure Daria qualifies to celebrate that one. What with the backstabbing and boyfriend kissing and all. "Betrayal, yeah, a stab in the back. Betrayal, yeah, I'm stretched on the rack...."

Fanfic Update!

• Black Cloaks of Lawndale, by Waylander (part 21): "After the meagre breakfast followed by the obligatory cup of coffee, Amy wondered if she should wake Daria up or let her sleep in peace."


• Freakin' Friends of Daria, by Shad_Tkhom (COMPLETE!): "Дарья, от­пи­ла со­довой и за­дум­чи­во про­из­несла: - Мне прис­нился кош­мар . Джейн воп­ро­ситель­но при­под­ня­ла бровь: - И­ии ? … Жду про­дол­же­ния !"


• Is it Curtain Yet?, by Zetor (part 4): "Quinn turned to Daria as they pulled away from the house. 'Thanks again for giving Stacy and I a ride school, Daria.' Daria kept her eyes on the road. 'I'm giving Jane a ride because she has to bring some stuff to school. You two are just lucky you're going to the same place.'"


• Quinn's Code 13: A Night at Kristen's, by cfardell_Brenorenz29 (COMPLETE!): "Quinn Morgendorffer. Cindy Brolsma and Stacy Rowe arrived outside their friend, Kristen Leung-Bell's, house. They were going to have a sleep over. It had been organised the previous afternoon after they had all decided that it would be a good opportunity to get to know each other better, particularly Stacy."


• Unnamed story (Iron chef: The actress who plays Daria), by Brother Grimace (COMPLETE!): "'Whoa.' 'Tell me about it,' The Director said, eyes still wide and glazed over by the raw emotion of the young actress' performance on her audition tape."